[First a quick note: Australian High Commissioner Pablo Kang recently wrote to say that, contrary to my assertion in ‘Smells Like Team Spirit’, the 2009 Pacific Economic Survey launch in Tonga was not ‘low-key’; it was in fact nearly identical in format to the 2008 Port Vila launch. I stand corrected.]
One of the more subtle – but interesting – developments over the last several years in Vanuatu is the rise of public courtship. When I first arrived in Vanuatu some years ago, I was struck by the fact that one would see obvious signs of affection between people of the same sex, but rarely did these gestures cross the gender gap.
This is more or less the inverse of what one sees in Western societies, and in fact the sight of two men or two women holding hands has led more than one visitor to mistakenly conclude that Vanuatu is particularly tolerant of homosexuality. (It’s not much better or worse than many other societies in this regard.)
Don’t get me wrong, now: Love has played a part in human relations here for... well, forever. It’s just it wasn’t generally the decisive factor in marriage. Courtship, such as it was, consisted more of sober negotiation in the nakamal between the families of prospective partners.
The two partners themselves might or might not get along, but their feelings for one another were often of secondary importance to the community’s interests. As often as not, love was actually a complicating factor, because it didn’t always occur within the bonds of matrimony.
But the biggest stumbling block, as far as I can tell, is that women and men simply didn’t enjoy the same status.
How could a man value a woman if for all intents and purposes she was little more than property? Sure, a man will be fonder of a clean, well located house than a tin shanty in the mud, but that doesn’t mean he loves it.
In the course of just a few years, though, a new dynamic has begun to enter into marriage. More and more, partners are choosing each other, freely and without undue pressure. What started as surreptitious late-night flirting and horseplay has begun to show a decidedly emotional side.
One balmy evening back in October of 2003, I was walking through the darkened streets in a residential part of town. A slight movement caught my eye, and I realised a young man was standing in the shadow of a bougainvillea, staring off down the road.
A few steps further on, I was startled by a young woman standing idly by a hedge on the other side of the street, studiously examining her shoes.
Why, I wondered, would people simply stand around on street corners in the dark, I asked myself. I laugh at myself now, but it took me several minutes to realise that this was courtship, Vanuatu-style.
Things have changed dramatically in the space of a few short years. Now, it’s not at all uncommon to see young men and women walking about together, even occasionally holding hands.
Flirting consists more of smiles and casual contact than the shouted insults and shoulder punches that one saw even a few years ago.
Humans are hard-wired for mating. We are innately attracted to others, and efforts to suppress these desires ultimately fail.
Societies the world over have struggled with varying success to teach young men and women how to channel desire in a socially responsible way, but none have ever profited by denying it entirely.
But attraction isn’t synonymous with love. A bit of furtive wrestling in the dark may soothe the physical need, but it’s not anywhere near enough for domestic harmony.
Much has been written in recent years of the rise of romantic love as the defining characteristic of a marriage. It’s a very recent phenomenon. Even into the early 20th Century, matchmaking was based more on social alliance and status-building than anything else.
But the rise of individual wealth removed a number of constraints, allowing people to pursue happiness through meaningful partnership with another.
It needs to be said, by the way, that romantic marriages have proved no more enduring (or endurable) than arranged marriages. Each comes with a set of expectations, roles and responsibilities that provides couples with a lifetime of challenge and reward.
I take heart nonetheless when I see demonstrations of romantic love in modern-day Port Vila. It says to me that women are beginning to achieve a level of dignity, of person-hood, that makes them not only desirable, but admirable and worthy of respect.
There’s a long way yet to go. Legislation, law enforcement and health measures desperately need improvement. It’s heartening to see this week’s announcement of a partnership between AusAID and the Department of Women’s Affairs, under the capable guidance of Dorosday Kenneth.
But none of these measures can succeed until men begin to respect and value the women with whom they share their life. The newfound acceptability of open affection doesn’t guarantee this by any means. But it does help make it possible.
-Graham Crumb